


Justify Wal-Mart

by Carisa_Ironfell



Series: Justice Cracks (Written by Sister) [5]
Category: Smallville
Genre: Crack, Gen, Oliver is Done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2019-06-19
Packaged: 2020-05-14 23:45:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19283644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carisa_Ironfell/pseuds/Carisa_Ironfell
Summary: Oliver and the gang go to Wal-Mart. Typical shenanigans ensue.





	Justify Wal-Mart

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer! Once again, this is not mine. It was lovingly crafted by my dear sister, who is awesome. Thanks for reading, and we hope you enjoy!

“All right, men,” Oliver said, clasping his hands behind his back. “I’m trusting you to behave on this trip. Your track record hasn’t been very good lately, but this is your chance to turn things around. If you manage to behave, you’ll restore my faith in your ability to go out in public, so that’s something. Any questions?”

“Ollie! Ollie! Pick me!” Bart bounced on his toes, waving his hand in the air and not restoring Oliver’s faith at all. 

“Can I ride in the basket?” he asked, looking way too excited.

“Fine, it’ll help me keep an eye on you,” Oliver answered. Bart sped off, hopefully to find a shopping cart.

Oliver fixed the other three with a stare. “Don’t get us into trouble,” he told them.

“Calm down, Oliver,” Clark said, giving him a sunshine grin. “We’re adults. We know how to behave at the store.”

Oliver rolled his eyes, seriously doubting the truth of that statement. A loud rattling announced Bart’s return with the cart. Oliver boosted him into it, hoping against the odds that Clark would be right.

Unhelpfully, the guys split up the moment they got inside. Oliver gritted his teeth. If they left, how was he supposed to keep an eye on everything?

Bart sat in the cart, hugging Sir Cumference and staring at everything like he’d never seen anything to match it. Hopefully, the fact that Oliver had made everyone wear their communicators would cut down on any potential trouble.

“Hey, Ollie, what’s that noise?” Bart asked, jarring Oliver from the important task of deciding what kind of breakfast cereal to get. 

He listened. Distantly, he could hear some kind of engine roaring wildly and faint shouting. A woman screamed. 

“Sounds like trouble,” he answered. “Come with me and stay close.”

Bart clambered out of the cart, tucking the toy octopus securely under his arm. “Who would cause trouble in Wal-Mart?” he asked, still bright-eyed with excitement.

“I think we brought them with us,” Oliver muttered darkly. He tapped the communicator in his ear. “Talk to me, guys. What’s going on?”

“Well, we can explain,” Clark said, out of breath.

“It’s not my fault!” Victor shouted, nearly blowing out Oliver’s eardrum. “I just wanted to say hello!”

“Why?! Haven’t you ever seen a lawnmower before?” Clark yelled back.

Oliver winced and walked a little faster. It was not a good sign if Clark started yelling. Not to mention, anything Victor could do to a lawnmower would not be pleasant to deal with.

Then the roaring engine got closer and a shelf exploded. Oliver yanked Bart off his feet and turned, putting his body between Bart and flying bits of shelf. He reflected, randomly, that his teammates were shaping up to be more dangerous than his enemies.

He completed the turn and set Bart back on the floor. Sitting innocently in the wreckage, engine idling, was an ordinary lawnmower. It was dripping black motor oil and had several deep dents, no doubt courtesy of Clark.

Oliver stared at it. The lawnmower suddenly revved up its engine and shot toward them. Bart blurred to meet it and got sprayed with oil. He lost his footing and slid into a display of peanut butter. Oliver leaped over the machine, flipped in midair, and come down behind it.

Bart wasn’t moving, and Oliver growled. This thing was going down. Clark and Victor ran up, both splashed with oil. Bizarrely, they were followed by Lex Luthor, stylishly clean in his long black coat. 

Does this guy follow us everywhere? Oliver wondered.

Clark and Victor waded in on the lawnmower, but it resisted their efforts to tear it apart. Lex strolled to Oliver’s side, unflapped. 

“Do I dare ask where the last of your Merry Men ended up?” he asked casually.

Oliver clenched his teeth over a curse. He’d nearly forgotten about AC in all the commotion the other two had caused.

“We’ll find him in a minute,” he replied. “Any ideas on how to stop this thing?” He gestured at the lawnmower.

“None yet. Whatever process brought that thing to life has made it tougher. If we could get inside it, we might have a better chance.” Lex shrugged. “But we can’t.”  
Oliver nodded, hating that he had to agree with the bald guy. Before he could say anything there was a kind of hissing, rushing noise and a wall of water swept over everyone.

Oliver sat down hard, knocked over by the force of the water, and spat out the taste of salt. There was only one reason seawater would be flooding a Metropolis Wal-Mart, he thought.

AC came into view, standing on a wave and holding several bags of fish in his arms. “Oliver, you have to help these poor fishies!” he wailed.

Clark and Victor stood up, both looking bemused. 

“Looks like all that water hit the engine and it exploded,” Victor said sadly.

“Guess that solves our problem,” Clark agreed.

Oliver hauled himself out of the water. “AC, put those fish back where you got them. Victor, don’t bring anything else to life,” he snapped at them.

AC burst into tears, but the wave carried him away. Oliver dismissed him from thought for the moment. He went to check on Bart and found the little speedster groggy, but able to move. Amazingly, Sir Cumference had not gotten covered in oil and Bart entrusted the toy to Oliver for safekeeping.

“Ok, get everyone moving,” Oliver said to himself. He turned to tell Clark and Victor it was time to leave and froze. Lex stood on the tips of his toes and chastely kissed Clark. After a lingering smile, he sloshed away.

Oliver sighed. “Alien pheromone powers,” he muttered like a curse. 

AC came back without the fish, still sobbing. Clark got Bart up for a piggyback and Oliver herded all of them toward the doors.

“Next time, I swear I’ll do the shopping alone,” he grumbled.


End file.
